WOLM2: Part 5

Steve "the Rattlesnake" Austin: "That sure was some fight, eh?"
Deputy Chris Smith: "Oh shut up."
Sheriff Wyatt West: "You stay here; I'm gonna have a look around. Make sure our friend doesn't go anywhere."

Blacksnake Bob: "I'm still... alive. Still... alive. Which means more people are going to die."

BB: "Like that man over there... Sorry, amigo, but your time has come. Death approaches, and he is hungry... and pissed off!"

*CRACK!*
DCS: "Hey, what the - ?!"

DCS: "Not so fast; I know who you are, Blacksnake!"
BB: "No, I am Death, come for thee! Surrender, and your passage shall be... quicker!"

Steve: "Sorry, Deputy..."

Blacksnake Bob *spits*: "Good job, Steve."
Steve: "We'd better get out while the gettin's good!"
Blacksnake: "Not a chance. We're going in the mine, amigo."
Steve: "What? There's no way in!"
Blacksnake: "There's gotta be a way in somewhere..."

Blacksnake: "White is just not your color."
Steve: "Hehe. Nope. But my Daddy always used to tell me, never leave a body unlooted."

Ascalon: "At least, I think that the secret exit is somewhere nearby. If it is not, then we are sitting here for no real reason."
James Hurst: "We might be able to escape with this dynamite, but I think most of 'em's duds..."

Ascalon: "No, there's no need for that. I'm sure we'll find that office around here someplace."

Blacksnake Bob: "You have good eyes, Steve. That is why I kept you with me."
Steve: "Yeah, well, I knew there was something fishy about that rock. Funny way to hide a door. But now what do we do?"

Blacksnake: "Quiet. Look, there is someone up ahead."
Steve: "Oh, great! Look, there's the passage we have to go through back there, and those guys are between us and it."
Blacksnake: "But look, the fools are standing next to a box of dynamite. This will be easy..."

Ascalon: "Is that a light over there?"

*FWOOSH!*

All: "AAAAHHH!!!"

*loud explosion... screams... crumbling rocks*

Blacksnake: "HAHAHAHAHAAA!!!"
Steve *kicks James Hurst*: "Boss, I don't think they're dead. The explosion should've been bigger than that..."
Blacksnake: "Who cares? Let's move on to the gold! I can almost hear it calling to me!"

Steve: "I can taste that money already!"

Scorp: "These tracks are fresh. Someone else is in here. Somewhere."
Xerx: "Not good... must be those two that Krysten saw slip in here. I wonder if..."
Ryan: "Do we even know where we're going?"
Jeb: "Yeah, this is the way."
Jade: "Look, human bones. I have a baaad feeling about this..."
Xerx: "Um, isn't this the part where you step on a skull and scream like a girl?"
Jade: "Just let me at you and we'll see who screams like a girl. I still am not sure you're telling the truth about the whole 'I didn't kill the Sheriff' thing, you know."

Scorp: "Real pretty. Friend of yours?"
Jeb: "Ugh... Could that be...?"

Miner Frank: "Don't leave me to die Jeb! I don't want to die! I don't-"
*KABOOM!!!!!!!!*

Jeb: "No, no. I don't think I want to think about that... I... I think I feel sick."
Jade: "Hey, uh, Scorp, you might want to look down the tunnel behind you...

Xerxes: "Oh. My. God..."
Delu: "Lemme see! Lemme see!!"

Jeb: "Wowee! It's even better than I thought!"
Scorp: "Is that a vein of gold running through the rock?"

Xerx: "Look, there's a little bit of everything in here... not just gold, but jewels! What do you think this place was? A bandit hideout?"
Scorp: "Must have been some successful bandits, if that was the case."
Delu: "Could it be some stash made by Spanish settlers? Conquistadors?"
Jade: "Well, let's go in and have a look!"

Jeb: "Last one there's a dead duck!"
Scorp: "I think we should be more careful..."
Xerx: "Careful?! We're on the home stretch; let's GO!"

*CRASH!*
Jeb: "Hey, lemme go! LEMME GO! I'll gut you if you don't, punk!"
Ryan: "Pull me up, pull me up!"

Ryan: "Woooaaah!"
Jeb: "NO!!! I'm gonna kill you, I swear!"

Jeb: "Oh, why does this always happen ta ME?!"

Xerx: "Hey, guys, guys?!"

Jade: "I'm right here. Now hold on..."
Xerx: "Hey, get off, crazy woman! You're gonna make us both fall!"

Xerx: "WOOOAAHH!!"

*a few minutes later*
Steve "The Rattlesnake" Austin: "Boss! Do you see that glitterin' up ahead, do you see it?!"
Blacksnake: "Hold on, amigo. Let me light this torch before we go rushing in like crazed... uh, bandits."

Steve: "Boss! Boss, I'm fallin down a hole! BOSS!"
Blacksnake: "Hold still and stop pulling on me, you stupid [i]hijo de...[/i]!"

Blacksnake: "AIIEEE!"

James Hurst: "Well, it's a good thing I was right about that dynamite bein' mostly duds, or we'd all be toast right now. I think those two will be fine when they wake up... Guys? Guys! Blast it, where are they? Uh-oh... these holes with the busted wood around 'em look mighty suspicious."

James Hurst: "Why in tarnation is this rope green? Hope it's not rotten..."

James Hurst: "I have a baaad feeling about this..."

George Badman: "Dangit, where am I? I've been wandering in the dark forever now! Can anyone hear me?! Hey, it's lighter down this way..."

GB: "Hey, what was that sound? Hello! Sooo dark down here..."

GB: "Not another skeleton!"

GB: "Holy - ! What is this place? Moria?! Oh forget this - there's no gold here."

Delu *brandishing sword*: "All that glitters is not gold..."
Badman: "Ha, you again! Yeah, all that glitters might not be gold, but all that's gold most certainly glitters! Now get out of my way before I cut you down like last time!"
Delu: "You have a faulty memory. I defeated you last time. If it hadn't been for your sniper friend... But he's gone now, anyway. This time it's just you, and me."

*CLING!*

*SHVING!*
Delu: "That was close... "
GB: "You're mine now, Indian-lover! That useless Chief Firecloud may not have been able to kill ya, but I can!"

Delu: "But you're losing ground, Badman!"
GB: "Hey lady, I'm not losing ground..."

GB *kicks dust in Delu's face*: "I'm using the ground!"

Delu: "Ahck! Get back here!"
GB: "Oh, don't worry; I'm coming."

*George Badman smashes a rock on the back of Delu's head*

GB: "Say goodbye, girlie!"

*BLAM!*
*CLING!*
GB: "My sword! Who the...?!"

Scorp: "Just put your hands in the air and shut up."

GB: "Yeah, I'll just lay down, how about that?" *reaches for sword*
Scorp: "Hmm, still alive. Good."

GB: "Not for long!"
Scorp: "Stop!"

Scorp: "How about you take on somebody your own size then, kid?"
GB: "Ha, that puny sword's not quite my size, in case you didn't notice. This'll be easy."

*CLING!*

GB: "I have you now!"

GB: "KEE...!"

GB: "...YA!"

GB *panting*: "You're faster than you look, old man!"

Scorp: "This wood is rotten. Look how easily it breaks..."
GB: "Hey, what are you doin? W-w-woah!"

GB: "Ha! What's wrong? Sword get stuck?"

GB: "Take this!" *CHING!*

Hawkeye: "SCREE!"
GB: "What the?! Get back, you buzzard!"

Scorp *kicks Badman*: "You talk too much."
GB: "Woah!"
*CRACK!*
GB: "Uh-oh..."

GB: "AAAAAaaahhh...."

Scorp: "Now let's get you outta here..."

Blacksnake *coughing*: "Rattler! Rattler, where are you?"

Blacksnake: "Time for a little light. Just stay here then, Rattler. More gold for me!"

Steve "The Rattlesnake" Austin *muffled*: "Boss? Boss?"

Steve: "Ah, crap. Where'd he go?"

Jeb: "Hey, who are you?"
Steve: "Me? I'm Abraham Lincoln. Who're you?"
Jeb: "I'm Ulysses S. Grant. Nice to see ya again, Link'n. Come on, I know the way outta here."

Jeb: "You just gotta help me kill anybody we comes across. Even that Axalon guy and his wife."
Steve: "Why?"
Jeb: "So we can have all the money, o' course!"

Ryan: "Hey, aren't you that miner, Jeb? Do you know the way out of here?"
Jade: "Who's this with you?"

Rattlesnake *shoots Ryan*: "Well, let's kill 'em, Grant!"
Jade: "What the - ?!"

Jade *shoots Rattlesnake*: "What's going on here?"
Jeb: "Sorry, lady."

Jeb *shoots Jade*: "But all that money's rightfully mine!"

Jeb: "Money, money, money!"

Ryan: *groans*
Rattlesnake: "Still tickin', huh? I'll fix that..."

Jade *jumps up and shoots Rattlesnake*: "Not so fast!"
Ryan: "Wow, apparently no one can shoot straight around here. Good thing I was wearing this bulletproof vest though."

Jade: "No, that miner can't shoot. He just hit my arm."
Ryan: "Well, I think we can follow him out of here. This way."

Xerxes Fett: "Boy it's dark down here. There might be a huge pit looming right up in front of me, for all I know! There's gotta be a way out of here..."

Blacksnake: "I'm lost! I... I gotta stay calm. No good going crazy down here. That won't help me. What's this here? Looks flammable..."

Blacksnake *drops torch*: "Let's see if we can shed a little more light on the situation..."

Blacksnake: "This does not look good at all... Hey, is someone moving over there? Hello!"

Colonel Whitescarver: "Hello, Blacksnake Bob. We meet again, for the last time. You have outlived your usefulness."
Blacksnake: "Well if it isn't the Col-o-nel! Yes, you are right, you have indeed outlived your usefulness!"

 

*CRACK!*
Blacksnake: "So it is time to die!"

*BANG!*
Whitescarever *dodges bullet*: "Ha! Missed me!"
Xerxes *muffled voice*: "Hey, is someone out there? Hello? I'm going to try to shove these rocks over!"
Blacksnake: "What is that sound?"

*CRASH!*
Blacksnake: "Agh!"
Whitescarver: "Well, is that who I think it is? Another pleasant surprise!"

Xerx: "Hey, watch the hands, buddy!"

Whitescarver: "I'm armed now! Neither one of you move! Drop your weapons, Blacksnake Bob! Slowly..."

Blacksnake: "Okay, okay..."
*BANG-BANG!*
Whitescarver: "WHAT?! Disarmed again?!"

Saber-Scorpion: "Well isn't this a nice little reunion?"
Xerxes: "Scorp! Thank God!"
Scorp: "Don't thank Him just yet. I might not be here to save you. No, that's not the way I see it... What I see here is a treacherous Colonel, a renegade soldier, a wanted bandit, and me, the bounty hunter. Looks like I could earn a lot of money off of this situation..."

Scorp: "But why don't we do this the civilized way? Here's three guns, gentlemen... one for each of you."
Blacksnake: "You... you're that bounty hunter, the Scorpion. Are you proposing a showdown? Four ways?"
Scorp: "You've got it, Bandit. We all could profit from each other's deaths, couldn't we?"

Xerx: "You double-crossing snake."
Scorp: "Now, now. I'm giving you all a fair fight. You should thank me for that. Let's see if you can make the most of it."
Whitescarver: "Looks like we'll finally get to settle this..."

Scorp: "Okay, everyone, back up into your positions and holster your weapons."

Scorp: "Six paces back..."

Scorp: "Okay, everyone... Let's begin. You know how to play the game. Last man standing wins."
*insert showdown theme song from "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly" here*

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!!!

!!!

!!!

...

*BANG!*

*BANG!*

Whitescarver *draws pistol*: "UGH! NOOO!"
Xerxes: "Too slow, Whitescarver!"

*thud*

*Xerx whirls to shoot Scorp*
*CLICK!*
Xerx: "What?!"
Scorp: "Calm down."

Xerx: "But you said that..."
Scorp: "No, you got it all wrong..."
Xerxes: "Care to explain just why you acted like you turned sides?"
Scorp: "Well, it's simple really. You see, I figured you'd go after that Colonel first, cause I could see the two of you eyeing each other like devils. And I knew I could shoot that bandit faster than he'd shoot me; he's better with a rifle than a pistol. So I gave you a gun with only one bullet. That way, after you killed the Colonel and I killed Blacksnake, when you turned on me, you wouldn't be able to kill me."

Whitescarver *rolls over and lifts his gun*: "This isn't over yet!"

Xerxes *dashes over and kicks his gun away*: "Yes, it is!"
Whitescarever: "NO! I had it all planned so PERFECTLY! Why can't you die right, Scott McMillan?!"

Xerxes: "This, Whitescarever... is for the Sheriff. And for General Harick. And me."

*BLAM!*

Scorp: "Very dramatic. I think I was a better shot though. I got mine in the head."
Xerxes: "Well, you sure are smart, Scorp, real smart. I just have one question... What if we hadn't aimed the way you expected, and gone after you instead? What  if Whitescarver had shot me first? He almost did, you know."
Scorp: "What, you think you were the only one with just one bullet in your gun? Don't worry though; I would have killed Whitescarver even if he'd won. For you, and for General Harick. Heh. Harick and I met once, a long time ago..."
Xerx: "You'll have to tell me the story sometime. For now, let's get out of here."

Ryan: "Look, a rope..."
Jade: "Yeah, I see it. Duh."
Ryan: "I'd say ladies first, but since we don't have any... I guess I'll just have to let you go first."
Jade: "Move over then."

James Hurst: "So there you are! I was afraid I'd have to go wandering around the caves looking for you! How'd you all get separated like this?"
Ryan: "Heck if I know... I was wondering that myself. It looked like we only fell in two different holes..."

Scorp: "Hey, sorry I'm late, guys. I had to save Delu. And Xerxes. And get Blacksnake's body so I could collect his bounty."
Ryan: "Hey, I got the Rattlesnake Austin guy. How'd you manage to find Blacksnake? Gah..."
Xerx: "Uh, guys... I think you're forgetting something. Who cares about bounties when we've got all that GOLD waiting for us?!"
Ryan: "Good point. Ladies first, as I said before."

Delu: "Very well."
Scorp: "There's no way I'm giving up Blacksnake's body, sorry. It's not just the money; I'm building a reputation here, you know?"
Xerx: "Whatever..."

Scorp: "Good thing he hasn't started stinking yet..."

Xerxes: "Wowee! Looks even better now! Let's go!"
Ascalon: "You're back? Then perhaps you could lend a hand... This gold is heavy!"

Ascalon: "Well, I must say... I am quite surprised. I had not expected to see you ALL come back alive. Apparently someone likes happy endings."
James Hurst: "What?"
Ascalon: "Nevermind... Let's just see if we can get all this gold outside."

Ascalon: "Now I'm sure of myself... The secret exit is that way."
Jeb: "That's not the only one, suckers... Hahahahehehe..."

*Later, outside the mines, after the heroes have carried out the gold and are counting it*
Xerxes: "Okay, so there's twenty thousand here... So where does that make us now?"
Delu: "I'm not sure."
Ascalon: "I believe it's sixty thousand in these."
Ryan: "So what's everyone here going to do with their share of the gold?"
Xerxes: "First I'm going to count it. If you guys will be quiet."
Ryan: "I'm thinkin' about settling down somewhere, and starting a new life. But I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet."
Jade: "Same here. You know, I think we make a good team. Maybe we can go on another bounty hunt together."

Xerxes: "So that makes eighty-thousand and..."
Scorp *singing and playing guitar*: "I rode through the desert on a horse with no name..."
Jade: "Why didn't you name it?"
Xerxes: "Dagh! You made me lose count!"

Ryan: "Don't you know any more exciting songs? We're supposed to be celebrating!"
Scorp *starting a new song*: "Keep a hand on your gun! Don't you trust anyone! Be the first one to fire! Every man is a liar! Don't be a fool for a smile or a smile or a kiss, or your bullet might miss! Keep your eye on your goal... There's just one rule that can save you, your life: it's a hand on your knife, and the devil in your soul! So keep a hand on your gun... don't you trust anyone... There's just one kind of man that you can trust; that's a dead man, or a..."

Xerx: "GAH! SHUT UP! How do you expect me to count all this gold with you raising such a RACKET?!"
Scorp: "Oh, sorry... Sometimes we forget there are bothersome other people around, don't we, Hawkeye?"
Hawkeye: "SCREE!"
Delu: "Why don't you guys just get some sleep while we count the money?"
Scorp: "Fine..."

Xerxes: "Whee! I'm rich! Wahoo! And all that..."
Ascalon: "Yes... I see."
Xerx: "Oh. Well, I just had to do that, you know."

*sunrise*

Xerxes *yawning*: "Morning already? Did I fall asleep?"
Scorp: "It doesn't matter. Delu finished counting the money and sorting it. There's three bags for each of us."
Xerxes: "Wait, are you leaving?"
Scorp: "Yeah... I reckon so."

Xerxes: "But to where?"
Scorp: "I've got business elsewhere. I guess I'll use the money to buy me a new gun, and then I'll stash the rest for when I need to settle down. Besides, I need to turn in Blacksnake here before his body rots too bad. Hawkeye can only scare away the buzzards for so long, you know."
Xerx: "No settling down yet, eh?"
Scorp: "Nope... I guess peace just ain't my natural element."
Ascalon: "Goodbye, Saber Scorpion. I must say it was a pleasure, and a very successful pleasure, working with you."
Xerx: "Well, it was good fighting alongside you, old man. Wherever you go, I hope I see you again sometime. Are you sure you don't want to ride with us at least all the way to town?"

Scorp: "No, that's all right. I have business elsewhere... Promises to keep, my friend, and miles to go before I sleep. Hawkeye, come."
Xerx: "See you around, Saber Scorpion."

*back at the cliffs near the mines*

Jeb: "I made it! I'm through!"

Jeb: "Hehe..hahah..!"

Jeb: "Hehehe!Hahaha!HAHAHAHAAAA!!!"