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General Harick: "Hello, Major. Just passing through?"
Major Russel Hamman: "Boy, have we got a story to tell, Harick. We were attacked by Indians at the pass..."
Harick: "What pass?"
MRH: "I don't know... 'the pass' is just a nice term to use for that sort of thing. We were just out in the desert somewhere, really."
Harick: "Attacked by Indians, you say?"
MRH: "Yes, and things were lookin' pretty bad! But then these two guys flipped out o' nowhere and saved our hides!"
Harick: "Two guys? What two guys?"
MRH: "There was one in one of our uniforms. He had black hair and carried two revolvers. The other had white hair and grey eyes. He had a saber... and a pet hawk."
Harick: "A saber and a pet hawk..."
(FLASHBACK - AS TIME PASSES, MEMORIES LOSE THEIR COLOR...)
(TIME: During the American Civil War...)
Young Harick: "Rohirrim! Wait, what am I saying? I mean CAVALRY! CHAAAAARGE!"
Justin Stebbins: "Alright, men, stay behind cover!"
Confederate: "Hey, who died and put you in charge, Stebbins? We're outnumbered here! And outgunned."
Justin: "In case you didn't notice, Stonewall Jackson ain't HERE right now! Just follow through with my plan and we should be able to beat
'em."
Harick: "Forward!"
*bugle blows*
Justin: "Out with the pikes!"
*pikes emerge from the bushes*
Justin: "Don't fire until you see the whites o' their eyes!"
*BLAM!*
Confederate: "ARGH!"
Justin: "Take this, yankee!"
*BANG!*
Union soldier: "AIIIEEEE!!!"
*BANG!*
Confederate soldier: "AIIIEEEE!!!"
Harick *swings at Justin*: "Down, rebel!"
Justin *dodges*: "Retreat to the cliffs, men!"
Justin: "Fall back, FALL BACK!"
Harick: "Get up, men! After them, after them!"
Harick: "Alright, everyone, there aren't many of us left, but if we fight with courage, we can take them out! Fight! For the preservation of the Union!"
Justin: "Here they come again! Remember, men, we fight for our rights! It is our
right to break away from a government that wants to take those rights, as the
very Declaration of Independence says!"
BLAM BLAM BLAM!
Confederate Soldier: "Argh!"
Harick *draws saber*: "That one's mine!"
Justin *draws saber*: "You get what you ask for, commander!"
Justin *SLICE*: "Watch your saddle, there!"
Harick: "ARGH!"
Justin: "Now, shall we duel it out like men?"
Harick: "Yes, if that is your wish. On your guard, rebel!"
*CLING!*
*SLICE!*
Harick: "AAGH!"
Justin: "You should have shot me at a distance. No one beats me in a sword fight."
Harick: "Uhhh..."
Justin: "I've beaten you, yankee. I should probably kill you, but you fought with honor."
Harick: "Men! Where are my men...?"
Justin: "They're all dead, Harick... Both sides are dead. But I'll let you go. You fought with honor, and besides... I want you to warn your side about me. Tell them... the Saber-Scorpion is coming. Now what is your name and rank?"
Harick: "I'm... Harick. My rank is..."
MRH: "General?"
Harick: "Oh, sorry, I just snapped out of it there for a second. I thought maybe you just met someone I knew... a long time ago."
*on the wall overlooking the conversation*
Whitescarver: "What? Xerxes is still alive? It MUST be Xerxes. I don't believe this... What is that Ryan fellow doing?!"
GK: "Why are you so worried about him, sir?"
Whitescarver: "Because he might find out... What am I saying? Nevermind, GK. I just want, uh... justice to be served. Yeah."
GK: "Of course, Colonel!"
Whitescarver: "Hey, I gotta go somewhere, GK. Can you do a favor for me?"
GK: "Anything you ask, Colonel. You know that!"
Ryan: "No one steals my bounty!"
Jade: "Didn't you just say that a minute ago?"
BLAM!
Ryan: "No girl should be able to shoot that good."
Jade: "Oh, please... Hey, wait, where's Xerxes?!"
Ryan: "You let him get away!"
Jade: "I didn't let him get away! YOU were the one holding him!"
Ryan: "You interrupted me!"
Jade: "Well, why didn't you just KILL him? I just want him dead!"
Ryan: "Wait, you mean you don't want the money?"
Jade: "Well, it would be a nice bonus, but I actually just want him dead."
Ryan: "Okay, let's join forces then. I'll get the money, you get your revenge... or whatever."
Jade: "I guess that's good. It's a deal."
Ryan: "What about your friend here? Sorry about that..."
Jade: "He wasn't my friend anyway."
Ryan: "Is he dead?"
Jade: "He's dead. Just leave him. Buzzards gotta eat... same as worms."
Ryan: "You aren't very ladlylike."
Jade: "Nope."
Scorp: "A pale moon rises..."
Xerx: "Actually, I thought those were these big grey boards that say 'Crescent'..."
Scorp: "No, those things only appear in YOUR episodes."
Xerx: "Oh. Right."
Delu: "Do you two always talk out of character like this, or is this just for my benefit?"
BOOOOOOOOM!!!!
Xerx: "What in the...? What was that?! It sounded like the bank just exploded!"
Scorp: "Look out the window... It did."
Xerx: "We have to go out there and stop them!"
Scorp: "Uhh... why?"
Xerx: "I told you, I'm out to regain my honor, Scorp. Come on!"
*Xerxes charges out the building with Scorp reluctantly following*
Xerx: "Stop, criminals!"
Delu: "Should we follow him?"
Scorp: "No. Hey, wait... Is that money scattered all over the place?!"
Scorp: *whistling and picking up scattered money*
Dewey Cheatnum: "Flatfoot?! FLATFOOT, GET UP, YOU IDIOT! You used too much CHARGE! The whole bank is just a big black spot on the ground!"
Flatfoot Thompson: *groan*
Xerxes: "Ah-ha! Hands in the air, now!"
Sheriff Drake: "Ah-ha! Hands in the air, now!"
Xerxes: "What? But I'm trying to stop..."
Drake: "Yeah yeah, sure sure. Got any other stories you'd like to tell us?"
*two gunshots ring out, and the hats fly off the Sheriff and Deputy's heads*
Deputy Chris Smith: "What?"
Drake: "Stop in the name of the law, you!"
Scorp *blows smoke off gun*: "I don't much care for the law. Sorry. Just let my friend go. Don't you know friend from foe? We were trying to help, and now the real crooks are getting away!"
DCS: "Oh, is that who those two guys were..."
Drake: "Well, go catch them then! Don't make any sudden moves though."
Flatfoot: "Hey, wait up, boss! I'm flatfooted, remember?!"
Xerxes: "They're getting away!"
Scorp: "Why don't we just shoot 'em?"
Drake: "Because..."
*BLAM BLAM! Xerx and Scorp shoot Flatfoot*
Flatfoot: "AAAAIIIIIEEEEE!!!!"
DCS (sarcastically): "Oh, good job, you two. Too bad you were just FORCED to kill him..."
Dewey: *runs behind the nearest building*
James Hurst: "Boo."
Dewey: "Hey, who are you, buddy?"
JH: "I'm the last thing you'll ever see."
Dewey: "What? Why?"
JH: "Because... I can."
Dewey *raises gun*: "Oh yeah?!"
BLAM!
Dewey: "How did you... so... fast...?"
JH *dragging Dewey Cheatnum's body*: "This the other guy you wanted?"
Drake: "You killed him?"
JH: *shrugs*
Scorp *in amusement*: "Ha! Oh well."
Xerx: "Okay, we helped out now. Are you gonna let us go?"
Drake: "I don't know. You see, there's a bounty on your head..."
Ted: "My bank! Well, actually, my father's bank, but... Hey, red-haired lady, PUT THOSE DOWN!"
Delu: "Oops."
George Badman: "Well, it seems that little Indian deal didn't work out too well. I just hope no one knows I was in on the deal."
Goon: "Yeah, boss."
Badman: "Quiet, nameless goon. Where's Clanky? Where's someone with a NAME that I can talk to?"
Badman: "Hey, what's this here?"
Jebidiah Crane: "Uhhh... I... escaped..."
Badman: "Yeah, yeah. Kill 'im, boys, and loot his corpse."
Jeb: "NO! Wait! *COUGH* 300,000 dollars in gold... if you'll just... bring me water..."
Badman: "W-what? What are you talkin' about?"
Jeb: "I know a place... a mine... I can take you there... Just get me water..."
Badman: "Ugly guy? UGLY GUY?! Hey, wait! We'll get you water! Don't die yet! Don't die until later! GIVE ME A CANTEEN, BOYS!!!"
Drake: "Alright, we're supposed to take you to Whitescarver. You can take up the bounty business with him, if you think you were framed."
Xerxes: "Is he coming this way?"
Drake: "Last I heard, yes."
James Hurst: "I feel naked without my gun..."
Hawkeye: "SCREEE!"
Scorp: "Uh oh, I have a bad feeling about this."
Xerx: "What? Did your hawk TELL you something?"
Scout: "It's Xerxes all right. And the other guy, with the hawk."
Army commander: "There he is, men! Right where the Colonel said he'd be! Remember, charge in and start firing! Kill with extreme prejudice!"
Scorp *drawing sword*: "Here we go again!"
Delu: "Draw steel!"
Xerx: "Give me that gun!"
JH: "Give me that gun!"
Drake: "You'll pay for this, outlaws!"
Chris: "AAAAAHHH!!!"
Scorp: "Strike fast!"
Xerx: "Watch out, ninja!"
James Hurst: "Is this how you hold this thing? I hate rifles..."
Xerx: "Take this, Whitescarver, you traitor!"
Scorp *slices soldier's throat*
Soldier: "HLAGH.." *gurgle*
*BLAM!*
GK: "WOAH!"
Scout: "AAAAGHHH!!"
Delu: "Sorry, soldier."
Drake: "That's enough killing here, murderer!"
Xerxes: "Let go, Sheriff! I don't want to get blamed for your death too!"
DCS: "Take this, outlaw!"
Scorp: "Get this guy OFF ME!"
James Hurst *slams butt of his gun on Drake*: "Watch out!"
Soldier: "I've got one in my sights!"
*POW!*
JH: "AGH!"
Xerx: "You'll die for that."
*BLAM!*
GK: "Get up, Sheriff, and grab a gun! We can take 'em!"
Sheriff: "But wait, I have to ask you, Colonel Whitescarver... Did you frame..."
GK: "Whitescarver? But I'm not..."
GK: "AAAGH!"
Drake: "Colonel!"
Delu: "So dies the traitor. Drop the gun, Sheriff. Slowly."
Drake: "Right, right, okay..."
Xerx: "Are you all right, Hurst?"
JH: "I've *UGH!* been through worse... I think..."
Scorp: "I've got this one taken care of. Go see to your Colonel, Xerxes."
Xerxes: "Whitescarver..."
Delu: "He's still alive, for now."
Xerx: "Good. Okay, Whitescarver, what's going on here? Why did you frame me, put a bounty on my head, and then try to kill me?"
GK: "I'm... not..."
Xerx: "Wait... This isn't Whitescarver!"
GK: "Whitescarver... He... told me to come here and kill you. He said... make it quick... extreme... prejudice..."
Xerxes: "What? Did he frame me for the murder of the Sheriff or not?"
GK: "I... don't know... I think he was working with... the ban... band..." *groans*
Scorp: "He's dead. I think he was going to say the bandits. They've been plaguing the area recently. I have a suspicion I know where they are..."
Xerx: "This was just a soldier then, following orders. I'll get you for this, Whitescarver... But why send this boy after me instead of coming himself?"
Scorp: "Maybe he figured, if you won, you'd just be guilty of more death."
Drake: "Well, this isn't a very good turn of events..."
JH: "Scorp, how did ya ever get ME in this mess? I expect ya to pay me good..."
Delu: "Oh yeah? Well, what about ME?"
Xerx: "Well, we're all in this together now, so there. Sheriff, you and your partner can go. And remember what you saw here."
Drake: "I think I will."
Scorp: "Yeah, you two might as well come with us. Hell, everybody else is..."
Xerx: "Off we go then. Lead the way, 'Scorpion'."
Scorp: "Come on, Hawkeye."
Ted: "Stop those men, Sheriff! I KNOW that at least ONE of them stole some of my bank's money!"
Drake: "You wanna go after 'em, Chris?"
DCS: "Nope. Sorry, Ted. Maybe next time..."
Drake: "Now, Chris, next time we do this, make SURE the sheriffs from some other county can actually come."
DCS: "Sorry, Sheriff. They were in the hotel, but they were all drunk..."
*in the desert...*
Blacksnake: "Okay, I think we're heading the right way now."
Whitescarver: "Well, well, well... If it isn't Blacksnake Bob, out for a little ride with his posse. What's that map you've got there?"
Blacksnake: "I told you once, and I will tell you again. Don't. Call. Me. Bob... Besides, I see you have your own loyal followers as well, Whitescarver. But this map... it is mine."
Whitescarver *grabs the map*: "I thought we had agreed... You kill Xerxes, and I ignore your operations around town for a while. But you failed."
Blacksnake: "So that is why Joaquin and the woman never returned..."
Whitescarver: "What's this say? A mine? Hmm... This could still turn out to be profitable..."
Blacksnake: "What are you suggesting? Another partnership?"
Steve "Rattlesnake" Austin: "Not another one, boss..."
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